Merry Christmas!

In case you missed one of the more talked about sketches in recent Saturday Night Live history, enjoy...

Turkey Day

Ahhh...My favorite holiday is fast approaching and I would be remiss if I didn't glorify it in some detail. Thanksgiving is the holiday to beat all holidays. The family is actually able to gather together without all the stress and worries that sometimes accompanies Christmas. Now I love Christmas too - don't get me wrong. I am far from being a "bah-humbug", but I have seen enough examples of appreciation turning into expectation that tends to cause the true meaning of Christmas to get lost somewhere in the mix.

Now you know you're going to have a good Thanksgiving when the weather is cold and the sky is overcast and dreary. That's the perfect recipe for football and turkey. If the Cowboys lose, then forget it...you've just died and gone to heaven! And if your family is anything like mine, then you will have a similar mixture of characters:

The Boss: This is the one who keeps the order. Without the boss, chaos would ensue. The boss will usually be in charge of the turkey as well as all of the subsequent turkeys in the family. Although the boss sometimes steers clear of most of the festivities, it is important to know the festivities would most likely not occur without him (or her).

The Gossip: You want to hit this person up early so when the good fights break out you know what's really going on. There may be more than one gossip in the family so it's a good idea to get with all of them so you have the full scoop on everything. Be careful, though...the gossip can get you in trouble if you spend too much time alone with them, especially if you get caught by the instigator.

The Loud Talker(s): Generally two or more people fall into this category and they usually show themselves during the Thanksgiving meal. To bring the loud talkers out of their shells, one must simply initiate conversation in one of the following topics - politics, religion, or other family members not present at the gathering. Instead of letting one another finish, the loud talkers will gradually increase their volume over one another until the noise becomes so deafening that the boss must step in to restore order.

The Newbie: This is the new person in the family gathering. Usually a new boyfriend/girlfriend, this brave soul is fair game for all. It's beneficial for the newbie to sneak in a session or two with the gossip so that they know who to avoid and who to impress. You can generally get newbies to do all the grunt work if they want to stick around. If not, they become targets, especially for the instigator. It is typical to be a newbie for two consecutive Thanksgivings, whereby you graduate to voyeur status and can then climb the Thanksgiving ladder from there.

The Wino: No Thanksgiving is complete without this generally fun loving person (unless combined with the instigator whereas major problems can arise). The wino usually involves themselves in all aspects of the holiday. You can come out of a 10 minute conversation with the wino and not know what the hell you just talked about. The wino also likes to tell jokes that aren't that funny. This provides good cover for you when you're laughing at them and not with them.

The Instigator: This is where the drama begins. The instigator usually strikes sometime between the pumpkin pie and the playing of Balderdash or Outburst. This time period is commonly referred to as "The Danger Zone". If you are careful and haven't become the wino, you can generally spot the instigator's initial assault. It normally occurs as a few innocent jabs at the intended prey in the form of under the breath comments. The prey will eventually catch on and strike back thus causing the fireworks to ensue. Expert anticipation of this event can lead to exceptional video footage.

The Voyeur: Also known as the turkeys, these are the rest of the Thanksgiving clan. They usually stay clear of all drama and like to sit back and enjoy the show. In actuality, everyone starts the holiday off as voyeurs and it just depends on the whether or not you choose to evolve into one of the preceding characters.

As for me...well, I'm sure I have been all of the above at one time or another but I'll just try sticking to being a voyeur this year...Yeah, right!

Happy Thanksgiving!!!

You Might Be A Roughneck If...

I have always enjoyed working with computers ever since tooling around as a kid with my TRS-80 Color Computer and phoning up other computers (known as BBS’s for Bulletin Board Systems – pre-internet) on my 300 baud Hayes smartmodem. Everyone knows about how long it takes for an internet page to load these days. Imagine watching the page load line by line as each line slowly scrolls across the screen. That is the lightening speed we were used to back in the early ‘80s. Then someone got the bright idea (don’t believe Mr. Gore!) that it would be beneficial to connect all these computers together that were hosting the various sites and thus the internet was born.

Anyway, I have continued my interest in computers as a kid and have since enjoyed a career as a systems administrator. Most of what I know has been gathered thru past knowledge, schooling, and on the job experience at my first IT gig for an HP reseller in Austin . Then came the opportunity of a lifetime…I got a call in early 2004 from my uncle who was starting up another exploration company and needed someone to setup and administer the IT side of it. Not only would I be able to create the network from scratch but I would have an opportunity to learn many new things associated with the oil and gas industry of which I knew little to nothing about. Knowing my uncle’s successful track record and knowing that he would be a wonderful teacher from whom to learn the aspects of the industry, I felt it was a no brainer. What I failed to realize was how MUCH I would learn and what type of learning opportunities would arise. I thought I would share one of these recent experiences here…

Obviously, we drill wells looking for oil & gas (mainly gas). Being the extremely wonderful teacher that he is, my uncle has patiently undertaken the painstaking task of explaining the ins and outs of the business that he has been so successful at for the past 30 years to a layman such as myself just so that I can have a better understanding of the industry for which I am now a part of. After many insightful meetings and many answered questions, it was time to take an overnight field trip – to the drilling rig!

We drove to Freeport , Tx (about an hour south of Houston ) where we hopped on the 135 foot crew boat that would take us the short 7 miles offshore to the Todco rig. The seas were calm and the day was nice so the boat ride was pretty smooth much to the disappointment of some of the veterans who wanted us to experience an icy wind with rough seas so we would really know what it could be like when you have to say hello to Captain Ralph. Fortunately for those of us on this excursion, that was not the case.

The first thing I noticed upon our arrival at the rig was the absence of an elevator or stairs. How the hell would we get up the 100+ feet to the rig floor? That’s when I saw the crane begin to move the net basket our way. I hadn’t realized I had signed up for Coast Guard training! We put our bags in the middle of the basket and no sooner had the last person stepped onto the thing did it start to carry us away from the boat. I figured there would be someone to give the crane operator a hand signal or something that we were ready. I was wrong so I held on for dear life. I certainly didn’t want to have my name mentioned in the daily rig reports under “accidents” that are emailed to everyone at our company, much less the Houston Chronicle obituaries.

You could obviously tell this was an older drilling rig, although it was still quite impressive. It was like night and day compared to the land rig my uncle had previously taken us to and there was much to see with a lot more activity. The first person we met was the “Company Man”. This is the person who is in charge of representing our company’s presence and interest on the rig. He was going to give us a tour but since our arrival coincided with one of four meals served throughout a 24 hour period, it was time to eat lunch. It was 10:30am and I am on a drilling rig offshore in the Gulf of Mexico and the first words I hear are, “Getcha a plate and grab yer a steak!” I walk out the backdoor of the kitchen and the chef is working the outdoor BBQ pit and proceeds to throw a huge ribeye on my plate cooked to my specifications. Only in Texas !

Now it was time for my nap….uhh…..I mean tour. The rig may not be much to look at but as you walk around and see the inner workings and begin to understand how each part of the drilling rig has a function and you see how all these functions work together, it gets to be quite extraordinary. The heart of the operation occurs on the drilling floor, where all the actual drilling takes place. From this elevated platform you can see most of the activity of the rig, including an up close and personal view of the drill pipe going down the hole. As the driller works the machine that places the drill pipe in the hole, the roughnecks connect the sections of pipe as the hole gets drilled deeper. Each section of pipe is 30 feet and they add 3 pipes (90 feet) at a time to the hole. This particular well is going to be drilled to a TVD (total vertical depth) of approx 8000 feet. Because this is being drilled as a deviated hole, the actual or measured depth is considerably larger than that, thus you can imagine the amount of drill pipe needed.

After a lobster dinner (haha – actually pork chops and pasta), we watched from the drilling floor as they made what is called a “short trip”. This is a term used to describe what happens when a portion of the drill pipe is pulled out of the hole for testing purposes and then put back in. Once the drill pipe was back in the hole, they ran a couple of circulations of mud thru it to flush out the cuttings from the wellbore. Once this is done they were going to do a full trip (pull out all of the drill pipe) so that they could run casing and cement thru the top 3800 feet of the well. We decided it would be a good time to catch some shuteye while they did the full trip so we could watch them case the well in the morning.

The sleeping arrangements on this particular rig were quite sufficient and not as bad as you might think. We were in a room with 1 bunk bed and another single bunk. Each living quarters housed either 3 or 4 people. I imagine these beds felt like heaven to a lot of these guys when they get done with their daily duties. I have worked 12 hour shifts and I know how tiring they can be, let alone all the physical labor these workers go thru in a day. Although the sleeping quarters were adequate, the bathrooms were similar to those one might find down at the county lock up. If you could flush the toilet with your foot, you were good to go!

After breakfast we watched them lay the casing in the hole and that took them the better part of half a day. Their next step would be to cement the casing, let it dry, run a good circulation thru the hole and then it would be time to put the drill pipe back in the hole and continue drilling. Barring any setbacks, the whole drilling process generally takes around 18 days. Not long after they finished casing the hole, the crew boat was ready to take us back to Freeport so we had one last ride in the basket. This time I was a pro and I had the look of a true roughneck as I rode one handed down to the boat….piece of cake! One thing that troubled me however were the life jackets they give you for your journey on the basket. They are about the size of a breath mint so I don’t particularly know what good they would be other than the fact that they are bright orange, thus making them easily visible for the divers while you are laying on the sea floor.

All in all the experience was one I will never forget. Many props go out to all those guys who work tirelessly and efficiently together on those rigs. Those guys definitely earn every dime they get. I also cannot thank my uncle enough for taking the time to show and teach us the workings of the industry from inside and out. It is truly obvious that he loves what he does and the work environment that he creates makes this feeling very contagious.

A Fishing Tale

I used to put together a fishing trip for all of the college buddies a few years back, but because of the growing families and other obligations it has been hard to get everyone together at the same time to keep it going so we haven’t done it for some time. Well, all the stars and planets properly aligned and everyone was back on board for the trip this year. The destination this time around was Corpus Christi , mainly due to the fact that one of the guys going had done a lot of fishing there and grew up in neighboring Rockport so we had experience on our side.

Let me preface by saying that our past excursions have not quite been all that successful. On many of the trips the only thing we had caught was a good buzz. This has mainly been due to the inclement weather we seem to attract no matter what time of year we choose. One time, Houston flooded so bad due to a tropical depression that we never even left the condo. Needless to say, the poker chips changed hands so many times during that trip that we could have given Phil Ivey a run for his money. There was a bad storm on another trip we had made to Matagorda the night before our scheduled outing with the guides and although the rain had stopped the next day, the wind was our menacing foe on that occasion. Note to self: When the guides are telling you not to go out and that you won’t catch any fish – Don’t go and save your money! Needless to say, we were the professionals that day and even though the wind and the rain had turned the water color into something you would see in a septic tank, we were determined to fish. After about an hour or two of riding around in the freezing wind trying to find some decent colored water, we were done.

So here we go again. We packed our coolers, geared up at Academy Sports and Outdoors, got our fishing licenses and headed to Corpus in search of the ever elusive cynoscion nebulosus and sciaenops ocellatus, better known as the speckled trout and redfish. After having picked a couple of the guys up at the Corpus Christi airport, we quickly checked into the condo so that we could head down the beach to do some fishing off a newly built jetty in the gulf. The jetty did not look far from where we were staying until you started to walk it with your rods and reels, tackle, nets, bait, and large cooler full of ice and beer! (gotta give Chainsaw credit here….He was a trooper with those damn coolers!)

Frustration marred the first day of fishing at the jetty. We had bought a quart of shrimp only to have them die by the time we walked the 1/2 mile down the beach! Well, we used the fresh dead shrimp and quickly found out that this was not going to work well. We got bite after bite after bite after bite after bite. You guessed it……crap fish! After about 3 ½ minutes we were out of bait and Denis held the state record for number of saltwater perch caught in that time span. He also set the record for largest saltwater perch ever caught – 4.76 inches! Good job, Bill Dance! Not only was our luck already going the way of our previous trips, but to add insult to injury, come 5:00 everyone around us started hitting the mother load! They were bringing in these huge redfish and because we didn’t have the proper bait, we were stuck watching the action. It was like we had finally found our pot of gold only to have forgotten something to carry it home. We thought about sneaking over and stealing someone’s bait casting net long enough for us to use it to get some mullet but Denis had not had enough to drink by this point so we were shut out once again.

After a long night of poker and Aaron stories we were ready to hit it again. This time we would come prepared. We knew what time the reds would start hitting so we decided to relax for a bit. A few of the guys tried the kayaking thing in the gulf while others just chilled and poured back some cold ones on the beach. Finally it was time to head back to the jetty for round two. This time, Aaron had brought his bait casting net and on the first toss we hit paydirt. We threw our lines baited with live mullet into the water and what do you know…..of course….nothing was biting. At least this time, noone was catching anything around us either. Aaron prides himself as the ultimate sportsman when it comes to fishing, thus live bait was not his forte and he was using lures. When I walked down to see how he was doing (not much better), he suggested we cut the mullet heads off and smash them with our feet so they could get good and bloody and throw the smelly carcass out there at them. Yeah, right!

I proceeded to head back to the live bait casters and relayed the info. Denis decided to heed the advice and quickly (and with way too much pleasure) sliced the mullet up, smashed the hell out of it, hooked it up and threw it out there. “Hey Spock – you ain’t gonna catch sh…” WHAM!!! No way! He got one! His line bowed over like Monica Lewinski on a cigar! With that, all of us were fighting over the knife, the mullet and a decent spot to cast on the rocks. It didn’t matter, though. We all started to hook into them. And every fish we brought in was a keeper. This time around the other fishermen on the jetty were jealous of us and that was a good thing. Thanks Schlop! That night we cooked up our fresh catch and it was awesome…a great end to a great day!

Saturday brought a possibility of disappointment as the weather outlook turned sour in anticipation of our guided trip. We left the condos at 5:30am to make the 45 minute trek over to Rockport where we were to meet the two guides. It was lightly raining the whole way and the skies looked ominous. The forecast on the Weather Channel that morning had said there would be scattered showers all day….not good. We got to the marina and although it was still sprinkling we decided to give it a go. Four of us loaded up with Capt. Bill and the other three went with Capt. Norm. We ended up at our first spot with Bill and something crazy happened. The skies somewhat parted and the rain stopped. Along with that good fortune was the presence of trout! They bit for about 45 minutes and we put 4 keepers in the box. We moved to 3 or 4 spots and had intermittent luck until we got over to St. Charles Bay and got into some reds. Capt. Bill hooked up some cracked crab on our lines and the reds sure liked those. We ended up throwing five reds in the box and more than that back in the water. Denis was again the champion of the school yard as he brought in an absurd amount of redfish children! All in all….major props to Bill and Norm for helping us have another great day.

Our good friend Rob was there to greet us when we returned and the last night consisted of some more good tales, good memories and good company. The more I think about our past trips, I have since come to a better appreciation of all the bad luck we may seem to have had. We had much better success on this trip than we may have had before (other than 1 other time), but that was only with regards to the fishing. The real reason we all do this is not to catch fish. That is simply a bonus. The real reason is the friendships that we all have. We've all had our ups and downs over the years since college and we love the families we share our lives with now. But getting together, smoking cigars, telling lies and reliving past experiences with lifelong friends is truly priceless and I'm certainly proud to be in the presence of these good pals! 'Til next time, fellas!

Vegas Baby!

Just as the plane came over the Nevada mountains and I could see the lights of the strip, I knew it was getting close to poker time! Sin City , here I come! I quickly downed the remainder of my bloody mary, put my tray table up, sat up in my seat, and turned up the volume on my Ipod so I could hear The Who belt out the theme song from CSI (yeah, I’m corny like that!). “Ladies & Gentlemen…At this time the captain requests that all approved electronic, portable devices be turned off in preparation for landing.” BUZZKILL!!

If you have never been to McCarran International Airport , then let me explain. The minute you step off the plane, you’re greeted to the sounds of Vegas since the airport is littered with slot machines. They even have glass encased areas in the middle of the terminal walkways for all the blue hairs that still need to puff on their pall malls while giving a tug on the one armed bandits. It’s tough to see how the’re doing though since all you can see is one big cloud of smoke. I could have sworn I saw the word “help” carved into the nicotine on one of these glass tombs much like you would see the words “wash me” written on the back of a dirty car windshield. Oh well….I didn’t bring my oxygen tank so I headed straight to baggage claim and then got on a $5 shuttle to the hotel.

The Excalibur Hotel is located on the southern part of the strip in between New York New York and The Luxor. The only reason I like staying here is the price. It’s generally the cheapest on the strip and since the only thing I need in my room is a bed and a shower, it suits me just fine. I got my room key, dropped the bag off, and hit the poker room with my buddy Jason who was along for the trip. It wasn’t long before the cards started flowing. One of my favorite things about playing poker are the various characters you meet at the tables. This trip proved no exception. The people at my table this first night were all fairly nice and we had a good time. I thoroughly enjoyed my view since I was situated so that I could watch all the lovely honeys stroll down through the casino while I played my cards. Despite the many visual distractions, I was able to hold my own and I came out little ahead on my first session.

I got up Saturday, had breakfast and decided to go place a few bets on some preseason games. (yeah I know, it’s only preseason, but when in Vegas….) We thought we would try our luck at a tournament over at the Luxor (the pyramid). I got knocked out pretty early but Jason lasted about an hour or so longer than me, but he didn’t finish in the money either so we were both out our $30 entry. As I waited for the tourney to start I was playing in a no limit game at a table with a bunch of Brits. They were really cool but when I first sat down I realized that everyone at the table was getting really tired of this one individual who had obviously been up drinking all night. Unfortunately for them, not only had he been drinking, but he had been winning. He had quite a massive stack of chips in front of him and the “bloke” to my right informed me when I sat down that it was only a matter of time before the drunk’s stack of chips would be distributed between all of us. (Rule # 73 in the poker handbook – If you play drunk, you WILL lose!) Like right on cue, the poor sap started to tilt and everyone took full advantage. It was like a bunch of piranhas on a feeding frenzy. Everyone at the table was just praying they would be the ones to catch the cards and put this guy out of his misery. Needless to say, he died a quick death. After he exchanged a few pleasantries with the dealer, he was politely asked to leave. As drunk and obnoxious as he was, we hated to see our ATM machine leave the room. Oh well, there will be more…

We had fun at the Luxor tournament so we decided to try another one over at Paris . We headed over there and I must say, what a neat casino Paris is on the inside. They have it set up where you feel like you are on the streets of Paris under a starry sky while you are actually inside. Really cool! Anyway, we sit down and start the $60 tournament. I proceed to again go out just before the first break. And once again I put all my chips into the pot with the best hand only to get sucked out on when the community cards improve my opponent’s hand just enough to send me packing. Since Jason is still in again, I decide to walk over to the Bellagio and see the fountain show. It is quite impressive. When I return to Paris , I notice the tournament is down to 2 tables and Jason is still going strong! I watch for a little bit then head over to the Sportsbook to see how the Astros are doing. (I know I previously wrote about them but I am reminded of Al Pacino in The Godfather Trilogy – “Just when I think I’m out….they suck me right back in!”) The Astros win and I notice I have won 2 of my 4 football wagers. No word from Jason so I head back over to the poker room…..He’s at the final table! I watch the rest of the tourney and Jason ends up 3rd with a cash out of almost $500.00! Way to go, bro!

Saturday night was the party night. Everyone was having a great time and the table we were at that night at Excalibur was the most fun I have ever had playing poker. There was a girl from Phoenix sitting to my immediate left who was cracking me up the entire session. The joke of the night was how nice her “rack” was (of chips, that is). All of the dealers and players were in a great mood and the atmosphere could not have been better. I am sure I had a little too much crown b/c I was feeling it the next morning. I was a little nervous when I woke up, however, b/c I didn’t want to roll over and see one of the lovely ladies of the night who had propositioned me on my way back to my room lying next to me. The coast was clear…..WHEW! Although I made it to about 3:00AM, I think Jason saw the sun come up!

Sunday was going to be “old school Vegas” day so we were going to head down to the poker mecca – Binions in downtown. Jason didn’t get up until almost lunchtime so I proceeded to lose some money on those damn Wheel of Fortune slots after breakfast. While I waited, I decided to cash in my winnings from the preseason bets I had made. I take some of the winnings and put them on my mighty Texans who were playing that night. I finally catch up with Jason and we catch a cab to head downtown. We get to Binions only to have to wait for a table for about half an hour. We give up and decide to go over to the Golden Nugget where we played at a limit table for a few hours. Once it got dark, we headed out to Fremont street to catch the Fremont Street Experience. This is hailed as the largest video screen in the world. There is a video/light show projected on a screen right above you on the canopy that stretches an entire 5 blocks! It was extremely impressive!

We head back and end the night as usual by playing on our home turf at Excalibur. Being tired from the previous night, I decide to call it and head to bed. The next morning I cash my winning Texans ticket (they lost the game by 3 points and since I got 4.5 for taking the Texans, I came out a winner). We catch a cab and head to the airport to catch our flight back to H-town. As I strolled through the terminal and looked at the blue hairs and their oxygen tanks in the smoke filled tombs trying to get their last few pulls of the slots in before they too had to catch a flight back to their home, I couldn’t help but feel something similar to what they must have been feeling…..I can’t wait to come back!

Woe is Houston...

Ok...I have tried to give them a chance and I have tried to be enthusiastic about the season but I am getting pretty fed up! I certainly appreciate the effort they gave last year in making their incredible run to the wild card birth and their subsequent trip to the World Series only to be swept by the Chicago White Sox. (I was present for the Sox celebration in Game 4 on our home turf and although we lost the Series, the feeling in Minute Maid Park was electric and was unlike anything I have ever felt at a sports event. In other words, it was nice to have been there, but now that we have, I want more.)

With that being said, we move forward to this year. Everyone keeps comparing the Astros to the last 2 years when they made great 2nd half runs to get into the playoffs. The team is actually in a better situation this year since the National League sucks bad! If we had the record we have now last year at this time, we wouldn't have a chance. I am writing this now because I am very frustrated as I am sure a lot of Astros fans are. I haven't been watching every game (like I would if it were football - more about that another time), but it seems like everytime I do watch a game, our bullpen tends to lose it for us. Brad "Lights Out" Lidge has lost it emotionally this year and for some reason can't find the nerve to close a game or let a tie game stay tied to give our non-hitters another chance to strike out.

The Houston Chronicle got lambasted two years ago for writing an article with a picture of a tombstone with RIP enscribed in it during the summer before the Astros made an unprecedented run to make the playoffs. They did something similar last year and eventually made it to the Series. Now, being 6 games under .500 and only 4 games out of the wild card with 40 games left to play, I don't get the feeling I got the last couple of years. Although the carrot on the string is not as far away as it has been, I don't see the Astros having the energy to catch it. I can only hope that I eat my words as the Chronicle did in 2004.

A Cross Between Don Corleone and Emeril Lagasse

I consider myself extremely lucky on many fronts. One of those being the fact that I have two wonderful fathers who love me very much. See, my mother remarried when I was four and I assumed the adopted name of my new dad a few years later when it became apparent that he was worthy of having me as a son. Being older now (37) and a little wiser, I now know that the reverse is actually the case. I am truly worthy to have had him as a father. He passed on in March of 1998 after a long battle with cancer and although his presence has been extremely missed for over 8 years, his influence will remain forever in the lives of those he came across. I am one of those lucky individuals. And while he is up there whistling alongside Mr. Sinatra and stirring his pasta sauce, I just hope I can make him proud down here until I get the chance to dine with him again.

I wrote this poem on his birthday the year he moved on...

To Dad, on Your Birthday

September 17, 1998

To Dad, on your birthday,

I know you're not here,

physically that is,

although your spirit is near.

We love you, we miss you,

and we celebrate this day

in remembrance of your life

and all the love that you gave.

To me and my mom,

and everyone you met,

you created so much joy

and we will not forget.

You gave us the example

of what kind of life to lead,

and you gave us good advice,

all of which we will heed.

We miss all the things

that we were able to do

as a family together;

myself, mom, and you.

All the fish we would catch,

and the dinners we ate,

and oh, the pasta,

it was always so great!

We know it's not over.

We'll be together again.

But for now it's a little hard,

to wait until then.

You will always be with us

through all of the years,

through all of our happiness,

and through all of our tears.

But the one thing I miss the most

about your life's end,

is that you were not only my father,

but you became my best friend.

Love Always,

G

What's a Blogger to Do?

Hello world!

I hope you enjoy my new blog. It will be about everything and nothing if that makes any sense. If I feel like sharing something, this is where I'll do it. The best way to describe what I want my blog to be would simply be this....think Seinfeld on the internet. Jerry pitched his show to the networks by describing it as "the show about nothing." I would definately say that show ended up doing quite well, therefore this will be "the blog about nothing."

Enjoy!