Ahhh...My favorite holiday is fast approaching and I would be remiss if I didn't glorify it in some detail. Thanksgiving is the holiday to beat all holidays. The family is actually able to gather together without all the stress and worries that sometimes accompanies Christmas. Now I love Christmas too - don't get me wrong. I am far from being a "bah-humbug", but I have seen enough examples of appreciation turning into expectation that tends to cause the true meaning of Christmas to get lost somewhere in the mix.
Now you know you're going to have a good Thanksgiving when the weather is cold and the sky is overcast and dreary. That's the perfect recipe for football and turkey. If the Cowboys lose, then forget it...you've just died and gone to heaven! And if your family is anything like mine, then you will have a similar mixture of characters:
The Boss: This is the one who keeps the order. Without the boss, chaos would ensue. The boss will usually be in charge of the turkey as well as all of the subsequent turkeys in the family. Although the boss sometimes steers clear of most of the festivities, it is important to know the festivities would most likely not occur without him (or her).
The Gossip: You want to hit this person up early so when the good fights break out you know what's really going on. There may be more than one gossip in the family so it's a good idea to get with all of them so you have the full scoop on everything. Be careful, though...the gossip can get you in trouble if you spend too much time alone with them, especially if you get caught by the instigator.
The Loud Talker(s): Generally two or more people fall into this category and they usually show themselves during the Thanksgiving meal. To bring the loud talkers out of their shells, one must simply initiate conversation in one of the following topics - politics, religion, or other family members not present at the gathering. Instead of letting one another finish, the loud talkers will gradually increase their volume over one another until the noise becomes so deafening that the boss must step in to restore order.
The Newbie: This is the new person in the family gathering. Usually a new boyfriend/girlfriend, this brave soul is fair game for all. It's beneficial for the newbie to sneak in a session or two with the gossip so that they know who to avoid and who to impress. You can generally get newbies to do all the grunt work if they want to stick around. If not, they become targets, especially for the instigator. It is typical to be a newbie for two consecutive Thanksgivings, whereby you graduate to voyeur status and can then climb the Thanksgiving ladder from there.
The Wino: No Thanksgiving is complete without this generally fun loving person (unless combined with the instigator whereas major problems can arise). The wino usually involves themselves in all aspects of the holiday. You can come out of a 10 minute conversation with the wino and not know what the hell you just talked about. The wino also likes to tell jokes that aren't that funny. This provides good cover for you when you're laughing at them and not with them.
The Instigator: This is where the drama begins. The instigator usually strikes sometime between the pumpkin pie and the playing of Balderdash or Outburst. This time period is commonly referred to as "The Danger Zone". If you are careful and haven't become the wino, you can generally spot the instigator's initial assault. It normally occurs as a few innocent jabs at the intended prey in the form of under the breath comments. The prey will eventually catch on and strike back thus causing the fireworks to ensue. Expert anticipation of this event can lead to exceptional video footage.
The Voyeur: Also known as the turkeys, these are the rest of the Thanksgiving clan. They usually stay clear of all drama and like to sit back and enjoy the show. In actuality, everyone starts the holiday off as voyeurs and it just depends on the whether or not you choose to evolve into one of the preceding characters.
As for me...well, I'm sure I have been all of the above at one time or another but I'll just try sticking to being a voyeur this year...Yeah, right!
Happy Thanksgiving!!!
